ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
