So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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