I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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