Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
