Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
