I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
