I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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