no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
