fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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