Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
