I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
