I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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