sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
