dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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