dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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