Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
