and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
