Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
