smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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