I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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