Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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