I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
