She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
