just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Boobs speak an international language.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
