If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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