turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
