I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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