I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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