the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
