I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
