I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
