so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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