Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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