ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
