im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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