Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My liver just broke up with me...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
