omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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