were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
