Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
There's even glitter on my cock...
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