I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
