Yo dont text me then not text me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
