That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
