It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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