her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
