She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
