2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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