Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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