so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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