i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
