I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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