I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
