We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
