How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
